260801 Living in the Past

My desire was to go to public grade school, one of which was only 40 steps from my front door. Public high school was within walking distance.

My mother insisted I go to Catholic grade school 4 blocks away and Catholic high school 2 miles away.

Two things I remember from Catholic teaching: Ashes to Ashes and Dust to Dust. I was told we come from ashes and when we die we return to ashes. As I write this, I realize that is the truth, at least the first part. I think mom and dad had something to do about the second part.

I find myself living in the past. I remember the past well. Before I could go to school, I had to know my home telephone number. It was EV8059. That was 76 years ago. First grade Christmas pageant I was selected to play Joseph and a girl who was named Marybeth was picked to play Mary the mother of Jesus. Thus began my acting career and after that ended my acting career.

I have very good memories up to and through my navy enlistment. I have few memories about what I did after that.

I find myself focusing on the past. I had my past and remember it well and I want to go back, despite knowing that is impossible.
I have no future. I’m a dispersing clerk: I pay the apartment rental agency; I pay the grocery store; I pay the electric company; I pay Walmart.

I’m not sad, not whining about my life; I’ve had a good life. But that’s over and as I stated above, I’m a disbursing clerk. The adventure is gone, the love of my life has passed away 6 years now. I accept what I am, what I have,for what it is. I know It probably won't change, so I live with it. I know things can always be worse than what I have now. Life is what it is. I’m lucky to have lived through what I experienced in the hospital a month ago. So I’ll pay my debts and live as I do and not complain.