I have only recently begun to think about and question path and purpose. In the many years before this, I just did what seemed like the right thing to do. That was conjoined with a few things I knew were wrong but went full steam ahead into the experience of the dark side. It’s safe to say those things I regret because they were not worth the sorrow I have from those acts.
I inherited cynicism from my father who always had a snide comment on everything and he shared them with me. I followed him and his ways and still have lingering effects after 75 years, despite trying to get past that habit. My father was a great family man even though he had a rough path in his upbringing. Perhaps that led to him being a family man. I work on being non judgemental because I have no idea of what others are going through in their lives. They may have had terrible things happen to them and they are acting out because of those things. I am not HE who judges all of us at the end of our lives on earth. They have their path in life and I have mine.
I am more interested in purpose these days. I never thought about my purpose during the first 70 years of my life; I just reacted to what occurred and went with it. During the last 5 years I found purpose in taking care of Joyce after the first aneurysm. That became my full 24 hour a day job, one I treasure in my life. She needed help and I was blessed with being the one who got to do that for the woman I loved. Joyce has been gone for 9 ½ months now, leaving me a ship adrift in rough seas. Now I wonder every day, what is my purpose? I have no idea at this point. I see no purpose in my life and yet here I am. At best I see myself as a participant in keeping others employed in many different industries, healthcare, trucking, farming, grocery, internet, movies and my favorite are those involved in the beer brewing industry. God bless them all. If that is my purpose at this point, so be it.
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