211023 Sentinel, Care Giving

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I heard a disturbing article this morning on National Public Radio.

I heard that one in every five Americans are tasked with taking care of an aging parent. That is an enormous number to me, but I suppose it is true considering the baby boomers post World War Two are also our aging American populace.
The picture below was Joyce's mother 20 years ago.

That makes me think about the years Joyce chose to give her mother full time care in our home instead of putting her in a nursing home, which was where she should have been due to the extent of care her mother required. For Joyce it was a 24/7 life mission and ordeal that was more taxing than any normal person should or could have to do, but then Joyce was far above just a normal person. Joyce loved her mother and that is why Joyce did so much for her mother.

This picture was Joyce and her mother back in the seventies.

This leaves me in a quandary. I do not want our daughter to face what Joyce chose to do for her mother. I know she would want to do everything she could for me and at the same time I know what a burden that would be for her and her family. That is something I do not want them to have to do. My wish is for them to remember me as I was and not what I would likely become when or if my mind fails along with my body. I remember the way that affected Joyce at the end of her mother’s life.

This picture was me at work in 2003.

This is something Joyce said to me not long before she passed; “We don’t get to choose how we die.” It has been 39 days since Joyce passed from this life as I know it. My pain has eased somewhat, though I understand that it will never completely go away even if I wanted to forget about her. One thing that has made my loss easier to bear is knowing Joyce had an intense pain in her head for a few moments before she was totally unconscious and never felt any pain again in the few hours until her life ended. That is how I would want to go, but as Joyce said, we don’t get to choose how we die. That is something only God knows where, how and when my life will end.