210703 Sentinel, Family Dynamics

I am writing this down to finally get this off my chest. I need to say it so I can hopefully forget it.

Joyce at 18, who could not say this is beauty? More about this further down in the post.

From some of my oldest memories, while my father was never physically abusive to me, he was always verbally abusive. I was sitting on our couch with dad and my first brother watching old cartoons on a Saturday morning. My brother was 4 or 5 and I was 8 or 9. The cartoon had these little black raindrops that made everyone sad because they complained about being so sad. My father nudged my brother and said, “That’s Bill he always wants to be sad and we are happy.” He always berated me up until and including when I told my parents that I had enlisted in the navy. At the same time he always pandered to my 5 siblings. The kicker in this is when he needed assistance; did he ever go to those he pandered to? The answer is one of two things, either they said no or we cannot help. All I know is he always came to me. I was the one who did or would alleviate the problem. In later years, after dad was passed away. I was the one who was shunned by my siblings, why I will never know and hopefully not have to care after writing this down.

With Joyce’s mother, she was never told how beautiful she was and how kind she was. Her mother always spoke of how her sister had “It” meaning she was a gorgeous woman. Joyce’s mother pandered to her sister, but when her mother needed assistance, did she call on the “It” girl, no. She called on Joyce and received care, so much so that Joyce came close to dying trying to fill her mother’s needs 24 hours a day for several years. Joyce went all that time with little sleep. It exhausted her and almost killed her. I cannot believe any other woman could have done what Joyce did.