I desperately needed to print out a PDF document. So I turned my printer on along with my Windows laptop and hoped the gesture would not be as futile as the all previous times before. Silly me for dreaming a small dream. The printer was more obstinate than it had been before. I went to work checking everything was set up correctly and sent my document to the printer. The error messages "Printer is not online" began flowing like water over the falls. I was determined to make things happen so I went to my friendly internet sources and tried every suggestion I could find and yet as the poet Earnest Thayer wrote in his immortal poem "Casey at the Bat" there was no joy in Mudville today. Next I went to my Windows 10 system and followed their instructions and suddenly there was a ray of hope. After following the steps diligently Windows announced that my computer and the printer were on line and talking to each other. A gasp of joy escaped my lips! I clicked to print my much needed document and BAM! Things started whirring and clicking and then it happened. No not a document being printed but the dreaded message "Printer not on line." It was at that point the final solution came to me. I went to my tool box, opened it, got out a screwdriver and my little hammer. I then proceeded to commence whaling on that printer for all I was worth. Suddenly a wave of peace and contentment flushed over my entire body. I then picked up the pieces and began the slow procession to the steel coffin which already had several other dearly departed items in it. In my solemnity I quietly popped the top from a warm beer (I wasn't going to waste a cold one) and poured it over the remains. Had it been after dark, I would have climbed atop that dumpster and poured a beer that I had run through my kidneys first on the crumpled remains.
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