One new year's eve day uncle Billy was helping grandpa Billy working on his car. There was a puzzling problem that needed some serious figuring out, so they paused to drink a beer and have a consultation. They were still stumped, so another beer was called for while they pondered the situation. A third beer soon followed. They finally found a bad connection in the wiring harness and got the car repaired. That called for a celebratory beer. The beer and the afterglow of pride in fixing the car made them want another and another.
After a morning and afternoon of drinking, it was time for supper. Aunt Ethyl called out asking what they wanted for supper? Grandpa Billy said he'd barbecue some chicken. It was a cold day, but that never mattered to grandpa Billy; he barbecued all winter long under his covered patio. The two Billys were hungry so they piled on the charcoal and then flooded it with some gasoline and tossed a match to it. The barbecue lit of like a flame thrower and set grandpa Billy's covered patio aflame. Ethyl ran out with the fire extinguisher and and quickly had the overhead fire put out. Ethyl came back out with a mound of chicken parts once the briquettes started to glow. Grandpa Billy was getting mighty hungry by then, so after grabbing another six-pack of beer he got serious working on the barbecue while uncle Billy sat and drank his half of the third six-pack of the day. Grandpa Billy rushed through the cooking process by squirting charcoal starter on the coals. As he finished most of his beer he would always pour the last few swallows over the chicken. He said the beer added flavor to the chicken. Uncle Billy did not care for that idea, but he never crossed his dad. The chicken was finally burned to a crisp on the outside and half raw and rubbery on the inside so it was declared done. They went into the house and dinner was served.
After supper, grandpa Billy stretched out on the floor in the middle of the living room for his half-hour nap. Grandpa Billy could do that and then pop up like a cork and start drinking like he hadn't had a sip all day long. Grandpa Billy decided they should go out that night to celebrate the evening of the new year. He decided to put uncle Billy behind the wheel of the car while grandpa finished his beer. Ethyl and grandma Billy were in the back seat and off they went.
The first thing uncle Billy did was run a red light, but they got to the first pit stop and had a drink. That led to another stop and a third stop. Then grandpa Billy decided it was time to have a late-night supper. Ethyl and grandma Billy said no, they would never be able to get a table for an hour or two. Well one could never tell grandpa Billy that he couldn't do something. That just fired him up something fierce. They went to a restaurant where grandpa Billy knew people. There was a huge line of people in the waiting area and an adjoining lobby. Grandma Billy said, "I told you so!" Grandpa Billy was not dissuaded a bit. He wove his way through the crowded pack and into the restaurant dining area. He wove his way back a few moments later and grandma Billy asked if he was now satisfied and could we just go home? Grandpa Billy said, "just wait a minute or two." Shortly after a waitress came plowing through the pack calling grandpa Billy. The four of them, grandpa, grandma, aunt Ethyl and uncle Billy made their way through the phalanx of people gathering dagger-like stares for one and all. The grandparents and uncle Billy and Ethyl had a nice meal, left a generous tip for the waitress and filed out the door.
Uncle Billy did not remember getting his mother and father home or how he got home that night, but as some people like to say, "All's well that ends well."
Copyright Bill Weber 2006-2019 and beyond.
After a morning and afternoon of drinking, it was time for supper. Aunt Ethyl called out asking what they wanted for supper? Grandpa Billy said he'd barbecue some chicken. It was a cold day, but that never mattered to grandpa Billy; he barbecued all winter long under his covered patio. The two Billys were hungry so they piled on the charcoal and then flooded it with some gasoline and tossed a match to it. The barbecue lit of like a flame thrower and set grandpa Billy's covered patio aflame. Ethyl ran out with the fire extinguisher and and quickly had the overhead fire put out. Ethyl came back out with a mound of chicken parts once the briquettes started to glow. Grandpa Billy was getting mighty hungry by then, so after grabbing another six-pack of beer he got serious working on the barbecue while uncle Billy sat and drank his half of the third six-pack of the day. Grandpa Billy rushed through the cooking process by squirting charcoal starter on the coals. As he finished most of his beer he would always pour the last few swallows over the chicken. He said the beer added flavor to the chicken. Uncle Billy did not care for that idea, but he never crossed his dad. The chicken was finally burned to a crisp on the outside and half raw and rubbery on the inside so it was declared done. They went into the house and dinner was served.
After supper, grandpa Billy stretched out on the floor in the middle of the living room for his half-hour nap. Grandpa Billy could do that and then pop up like a cork and start drinking like he hadn't had a sip all day long. Grandpa Billy decided they should go out that night to celebrate the evening of the new year. He decided to put uncle Billy behind the wheel of the car while grandpa finished his beer. Ethyl and grandma Billy were in the back seat and off they went.
The first thing uncle Billy did was run a red light, but they got to the first pit stop and had a drink. That led to another stop and a third stop. Then grandpa Billy decided it was time to have a late-night supper. Ethyl and grandma Billy said no, they would never be able to get a table for an hour or two. Well one could never tell grandpa Billy that he couldn't do something. That just fired him up something fierce. They went to a restaurant where grandpa Billy knew people. There was a huge line of people in the waiting area and an adjoining lobby. Grandma Billy said, "I told you so!" Grandpa Billy was not dissuaded a bit. He wove his way through the crowded pack and into the restaurant dining area. He wove his way back a few moments later and grandma Billy asked if he was now satisfied and could we just go home? Grandpa Billy said, "just wait a minute or two." Shortly after a waitress came plowing through the pack calling grandpa Billy. The four of them, grandpa, grandma, aunt Ethyl and uncle Billy made their way through the phalanx of people gathering dagger-like stares for one and all. The grandparents and uncle Billy and Ethyl had a nice meal, left a generous tip for the waitress and filed out the door.
Uncle Billy did not remember getting his mother and father home or how he got home that night, but as some people like to say, "All's well that ends well."
Copyright Bill Weber 2006-2019 and beyond.
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