The picture above is me right before I was to be discharged from the navy after my first enlistment. I am not sleeping, but rather mulling over my future while aboard ship. The sad look on my face was concern.
In the companion post I had no worries in my life up to that point. From the time I enlisted in the navy my worries began and have not yet gone away. On the train to the recruit training center I wondered what had I done? Once in training I learned about what was then called 'the Mickey Mouse' company. It was for sailors that did not do well or adapt well in boot camp. I would see them in line at the mess hall. It was not quite like being in the brig (navy jail) but it was close, too close for me. I wondered if I would not be doing well enough and end up there with the misfits and miscreants. After that I found out when I was to go to aviation electronics fundamentals after boot camp; if I failed there I would end up being what they called a stevedore (a guy that loads or unloads cargo ships) and that didn't sound good. The next step up from there (if any) was ending up in a deck crew on a ship, handling lines for the sea and anchor detail and spending 4 years of chipping paint and applying new paint. I know there are other duties of deck crews, but none sounded like what I wanted to do.
Shortly after boot camp avoiding 'Mickey Mouse' I was in avionics training and Joyce married me. That was a great thing, but living on an naval airman apprentice's pay was not easy and that brought on more things to worry about. I think the pay was $75 a month and the marriage allotment brought in another $40 or so. Even back then it was not easy living on that pay. Things got better and easier when I moved from an E-2 rating to E-3 and E-4. Things got pretty good until I got myself into debt buying a car with payments and then a motorcycle. It was stupid of me and I was within 4 months of discharge from the navy with no prospects for life after. I had taken the exams for an E-5 rating and passed, but to accept the promotion I had to agree to an 8 month extension of my enlistment, which I did and the increased pay made a big difference. I did not feel I had the proper level of training to become a radio technician for a civilian airline and I would have to obtain a license to do so and that would have taken months to get and I would have no income for my family. I loathed the thought of depending on family for support and housing, so that was not an option. I finally decided to reenlist and get the advanced training I would need later on and be able to take care of myself and my family. I spent those 6 years getting ready for being able to support my family.
I left the navy feeling pretty good, but things went south not long after. I worked for 3 years repairing radios and TV's, but never made enough doing that and the worries set in again. We left the lake area and went back to California with high hopes. I thought sure I could get work at the naval repair depot fixing the radio and navigational equipment I knew so well, but getting a government job was nearly impossible at the time, so I started a temporary job at Burroughs. The pay was good and the job was not beyond my capabilities for the first 6 years. There were layoffs but I managed to keep my job and made more money. The last 4 years I transferred into a different department where the job was much more difficult and the supervisor who hired me decided he was not happy with me. Things turned sour within a few months and the worries came back in spades! I thought most of the time I could lose that job at any moment, especially when more layoffs came. I left there when I saw the writing on the wall and it was good I did it when I did. The ax fell in my department within a year. I still have friends out there in California and miss them.
We moved back to our home state and I thought it would be easy enough to find a decent job here. That turned out not to be easy at all. I was rejected when applying for several jobs because of my age; they wanted younger men. The worries crept back into my psyche. I did get a job at Litton doing maintenance work, but after a week they realized as I did that I was not fast enough or good enough to do the tasks at hand. Lucky for me, the supervisors decided to place me in another department where I could do well. I stayed there for my last 20 years of employment. That was lucky for me, but within the first 5 years layoffs began so I worried. That went away for a time until my last 7 years there when the layoffs arrived at faster intervals than the rainfall did. All of us there were concerned; I was worried every day wondering if we would show up to work and find the doors were locked and we were either laid off or out of work entirely. It is difficult to describe the feeling that any given day the job could end and at my age then I knew any job would be hard to find. The day did finally come and for me it was a relief because I could go on Social Security. For others in their fifties things got rough and my heart went out to them.
With all that background of worry, I still have a lot of apprehension and I suppose it will never go away. I am working on getting beyond it because worry never helps and actually makes things worse. Knowing that and practicing that are 2 entirely different things. Joyce and I have had to cope with a lot in 54 years together and with her at my side I know we will be able to face whatever comes our way.
Copyright Bill Weber 2019 and beyond.
In the companion post I had no worries in my life up to that point. From the time I enlisted in the navy my worries began and have not yet gone away. On the train to the recruit training center I wondered what had I done? Once in training I learned about what was then called 'the Mickey Mouse' company. It was for sailors that did not do well or adapt well in boot camp. I would see them in line at the mess hall. It was not quite like being in the brig (navy jail) but it was close, too close for me. I wondered if I would not be doing well enough and end up there with the misfits and miscreants. After that I found out when I was to go to aviation electronics fundamentals after boot camp; if I failed there I would end up being what they called a stevedore (a guy that loads or unloads cargo ships) and that didn't sound good. The next step up from there (if any) was ending up in a deck crew on a ship, handling lines for the sea and anchor detail and spending 4 years of chipping paint and applying new paint. I know there are other duties of deck crews, but none sounded like what I wanted to do.
Shortly after boot camp avoiding 'Mickey Mouse' I was in avionics training and Joyce married me. That was a great thing, but living on an naval airman apprentice's pay was not easy and that brought on more things to worry about. I think the pay was $75 a month and the marriage allotment brought in another $40 or so. Even back then it was not easy living on that pay. Things got better and easier when I moved from an E-2 rating to E-3 and E-4. Things got pretty good until I got myself into debt buying a car with payments and then a motorcycle. It was stupid of me and I was within 4 months of discharge from the navy with no prospects for life after. I had taken the exams for an E-5 rating and passed, but to accept the promotion I had to agree to an 8 month extension of my enlistment, which I did and the increased pay made a big difference. I did not feel I had the proper level of training to become a radio technician for a civilian airline and I would have to obtain a license to do so and that would have taken months to get and I would have no income for my family. I loathed the thought of depending on family for support and housing, so that was not an option. I finally decided to reenlist and get the advanced training I would need later on and be able to take care of myself and my family. I spent those 6 years getting ready for being able to support my family.
I left the navy feeling pretty good, but things went south not long after. I worked for 3 years repairing radios and TV's, but never made enough doing that and the worries set in again. We left the lake area and went back to California with high hopes. I thought sure I could get work at the naval repair depot fixing the radio and navigational equipment I knew so well, but getting a government job was nearly impossible at the time, so I started a temporary job at Burroughs. The pay was good and the job was not beyond my capabilities for the first 6 years. There were layoffs but I managed to keep my job and made more money. The last 4 years I transferred into a different department where the job was much more difficult and the supervisor who hired me decided he was not happy with me. Things turned sour within a few months and the worries came back in spades! I thought most of the time I could lose that job at any moment, especially when more layoffs came. I left there when I saw the writing on the wall and it was good I did it when I did. The ax fell in my department within a year. I still have friends out there in California and miss them.
We moved back to our home state and I thought it would be easy enough to find a decent job here. That turned out not to be easy at all. I was rejected when applying for several jobs because of my age; they wanted younger men. The worries crept back into my psyche. I did get a job at Litton doing maintenance work, but after a week they realized as I did that I was not fast enough or good enough to do the tasks at hand. Lucky for me, the supervisors decided to place me in another department where I could do well. I stayed there for my last 20 years of employment. That was lucky for me, but within the first 5 years layoffs began so I worried. That went away for a time until my last 7 years there when the layoffs arrived at faster intervals than the rainfall did. All of us there were concerned; I was worried every day wondering if we would show up to work and find the doors were locked and we were either laid off or out of work entirely. It is difficult to describe the feeling that any given day the job could end and at my age then I knew any job would be hard to find. The day did finally come and for me it was a relief because I could go on Social Security. For others in their fifties things got rough and my heart went out to them.
With all that background of worry, I still have a lot of apprehension and I suppose it will never go away. I am working on getting beyond it because worry never helps and actually makes things worse. Knowing that and practicing that are 2 entirely different things. Joyce and I have had to cope with a lot in 54 years together and with her at my side I know we will be able to face whatever comes our way.
Copyright Bill Weber 2019 and beyond.
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