The Sentinel News Wednesday Edition

The Sentinel All the news that's fit to print.
Today's news not in the national news. A mister Paddy McCortle had a lucky day at the race track yesterday. He won $4250 betting heavy on an aging nag called Old Betsy. It happened that when the starting gate opened the other horses collided coming out of the gate and in a domino effect all either went down or the jockeys bailed off to safety while Old Betsy slowly coming out of the gate was unscathed she went around the track and crossed the finish line 10 seconds ahead of the number 2 and 3 horses that were able to get up and be re-mounted in time to at least finish. Mister McCortle left the track and headed to his local pub where he fully paid up his bar tab for the first time in 2 years and then started buying drinks for all the patrons present at the time. The on-scene reporter noted that by the time mister McCortle stumbled out of the pub, his bar tab was again nearly as high as it was before he arrived there. Mister McCortle is scheduled to return to the track when it opens this afternoon.	Man exposing himself gets a harsh lesson. The as yet unidentified suspect was arrested yesterday afternoon at a local hospital. The suspect exposed himself to a Mrs Adeline Kirkfarcle who was walking down the sidewalk with her standard sized poodle. The suspect pulled out his rather substandard member; with his hand still holding it and the poodle thought it was one of those tiny sausage treats it regularly gets at home when behaving well. The suspect is in recovery at the moment, but his appendage was unable to be retrieved. Police are unsure about prosecution due to the evidence being lost at the scene.	Man returns his new artificially intelligent robot dog 2 days after receiving it. A mister Graylord Sparkleman told this reporter he wanted the companionship of a dog in his lonely life but did not want to worry about feeding and caring for one. The dog was able to fetch, jump up and down and anything a regular dog could do. That included ripping apart the decorative pillows on his bed and sofa while he was at work. Mister Sparkleman was quite proud of those expensive pillows he had recently purchased. Sparkleman said he thought it was a software problem in the dog's artificial intelligence programming or perhaps the manufacturer uploaded the brain of a not so intelligent dog into the program console. When asked if he would get another robot dog, Sparkleman thought he might just get a human friend instead.