Running for Political Office

I am seriously thinking of running for U.S. congress. The salary is great and free health care is provided by expert doctors. There is full salary for life after I leave office. Once in office I do not have a boss to answer to, I do not even have to show up for votes or any kind of work. I get more days off than any other job in the world. I have a staff to do everything for me and when I run for president I can take a year and a half off work (with full pay) to travel around the country and see the sights. The only job requirements are, be 25 years old and be a citizen of the U.S. for 7 years (Constitutional Requirements) to run for office and it's obvious that one does not have to be particularly smart. Where else can you get such a good job with minimal requirements? It really sounds like the right job for me.

My fellow citizens, I promise to do as little as possible to interfere with your life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. On my first day in office I will shrink the size of government by leaving the capital immediately after being sworn into office. I will seek out jobs for Missourians by traveling to Miami, Florida, the Florida Keys, San Diego, California, Honolulu, Hawaii, Ireland, the south of France and Spain in an effort to encourage businesses there to relocate to Missouri. I will court gun makers to increase production so every red-blooded American will be able to pack heat whenever he wants. I will suggest that producers make more feminine style pistols so a lady can defend herself with lighter weight models that more easily fit into a stylish hand bag. I will have my staff draft a bill to ensure all Missourians have really fast internet at 50% less cost than currently available. How can that be you ask? Simple, I will spread the cost out over the other 49 states. I want to restore Missouri to greatness and I will appreciate your vote.