250202 Memory

At one time I had a great memory.

I never had to study in high school. I could read something in a textbook and remember everything I read. I spent half of the time asleep. Despite that, I learned through osmosis.

After high school I enlisted in the navy and I read navy manuals on every subject, so I passed exams and was promoted rapidly.

Now in my advanced years, most of those memories are gone. I can’t remember what I did yesterday. What memories I do have are often found to be skewed from what really happened. Sometimes I remember an event, but don’t remember when it happened. I remember a face but don't remember his name.

Living alone, with no car to go places I spend a lot of time watching movies. Many of those movies that I enjoy, I’ll rewatch over and over again. As I watch them, I think I know what happens and when it happens, but more often than not I am wrong. This is perplexing to me. My thinking sometimes goes awry.

I had a good friend years ago, he left his house to go get a hamburger and some french fries, barely two blocks away from home. After eating he got into his truck to go home. He forgot where he lived. He drove around for hours in a town he had lived in for over 10 years before he finally found his house. He pulled into his driveway and ran into his garage door. I don’t want to take a walk on a nice day and not be able to find my way home.

The last thing I want is to end up with Alzheimer’s disease and not know anything. I don’t want to have to be cared for 24/7. I would rather not be at all than be dependent on someone watching over me to keep me from whatever those with the disease do. Since I lost the love of my life over 3 years ago, the golden years aren't golden, they're just years passing by.