These days I have a rough time remembering what happened yesterday or even what I planned to do a few hours ago. Short term memory seems to have vanished, but all through my day memories of long ago come back to me.
I try to live in the moment because it’s all I have. The past is gone and the future is yet a mystery until time takes me there. Once into the future, it becomes the past. Every moment is new, every breath sustains me for the next moment.
At some point a breath I take will be my last. I’ll never know when that will happen. In the last few days an old hymn came to mind. I don’t know where I heard it because people in the church I went to many years ago did not ever sing anything. The hymn goes like this: “When I die, Hallelujah don’t you cry, I’ll fly away oh Lord, I’ll fly away…” That’s all I know of the hymn.
Every day I wake up, the first thing I do is thank the Lord for another day and then I wonder if this day will be my last? I suppose this may sound morbid, but I think of it as reality.
I want to live. I enjoy the life I have, living alone is not a bad thing once I got used to it. I have no one to answer to. I do what I want when I want. There are no restrictions on me. I don’t have to think about pleasing anyone but myself. I eat when I feel like it, sleep when I want, do what I want and if I don’t want to do something, I don’t do it.
I think at times I might enjoy having someone in my life and then I remember something my mother told me long ago: “The devil you know may not be as bad as the devil you don’t.” Mom was always right with her advice and wisdom. I’m going to stay with the devil I know (the life I have) and avoid meeting the devil I don’t know.
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