230129 Shades

‘Shades’

Hal was just an ordinary guy. No, Hal was less than ordinary, until he found the shades. People didn’t even notice him, until the shades came into his life.

It was amazing how the appearance change made people treat Hal differently. Before, sales clerks were totally indifferent to him. If he had a need for assistance, he was hard pressed to find said assistance. When he spoke to clerks, their eyes rolled back as they wished they were somewhere else. The whole thing was annoying and frustrating. But that was all in the past.

Hal was busy talking to himself as he got out of his car at the mall. Already his armpits were drenched. He could feel his throat tightening. “ I hate exchanges, those clerks are always busting my chops about receipts. What was wrong with the article? Have I had this for more than 30 days?” Then they never listen to my answer. They always give me the look. I hate the snarl that tells me I’m interrupting their afternoon. Hell they’re there to help customers, isn’t that why they’re employed?

As he approached the entrance, he looked over to an area where smokers congregated. There on top the retaining wall was a nice new pair of sunglasses. Not just any sunglasses, but a pair of wraparound shades that were not only popular, but also expensive, and out of Hal’s comfort spending zone. The owner must have taken them off while having a smoke. The day was very overcast, and sunglasses weren’t really needed for comfort. Hal looked around, but no one was in sight. If he left the glasses there, someone else would pick them up. He walked over and stood beside them for about 15 minutes; when none showed up to claim them, Hal figured they were now his. He picked them up and just held them in his hands. They even felt cool. The glasses were awesome! It was like Christmas in September. He slipped them on and they fit perfectly. He felt like a new man. He straightened his clothes and opened the door. Now he had some really cool sunglasses. As he strode down the common area with the new movie star shades, young girls sitting on the benches outside stores snapped to attention. They’d poke their girlfriend and secretly point his direction. Hal was being noticed for the first time in memory. He felt better already. His back straightened and his chest expanded. The walk was a little slower, and hopefully more controlled.

He entered the store and started for the exchange counter. The clerks looked up and paused as he passed by. They wondered who he was. When he approached the counter the young girl there looked up and seemed eager to help. She was patient and happy to please. Since she couldn’t really tell who he was, she was clamoring to find out if he was as cool and important as he looked. It was surreal!

That’s how it all started two weeks ago when Hal found the ultimate movie star style sunglasses. That’s when his life changed. Before then, he was just nobody in blue jeans and a tee shirt. He was used to that though, having lived his whole life that way. But from the moment he put on the sunglasses, his world changed.

He hadn’t ever had a pair of shades. He never knew what it was like to look through them. He was just Hal, a tedious, young man who had more trouble getting a date than it seemed worthwhile even trying. Come to think of it, he was old when he was young. He was never a standout. Now suddenly he was looking through not just a pair of glasses, Hal was looking through a new world! He looked good, he felt good. Confidence shone in his new swagger. His head was upright, shoulders back, face radiating confidence. He was no longer just Hal, he was someone else. He was batting 100%. Every girl he asked said yes. He had more dates in two weeks than he had in two years. And Hal was visiting more bases than he ever did as a little leaguer. Life was good.

Then the unthinkable happened. Hal stopped on the way home at a Quickie Mart after a late date . He walked in and took his shades off to see into the cooler. He set them down to move a few items and get a colder drink than the one that was right in front. He was deep in thought about the date he just left, wondering what his next move should be. He paid for his drink and went back to his car and drove away. As he got out of his car at home, he reached for his glasses. Oh no! They were gone. Hal paused for a moment, thought, then fired up the car and raced back toward Quickie Mart.

He didn’t even shut off the car, but ran into the store and back to the cooler. Not there! He looked all around, nothing. He re-traced his every step. He went to the counter and gasped for breath as he looked at the clerk. She didn’t even look his way. She was staring at the TV on the wall.

“Did you see a pair of sunglasses?” She didn’t even turn. “Did you see a pair of shades?”

“No”, she said. “Nobody turned any in.”

Hal’s heart sank. He stumbled out the door. He walked over and just sat on the hood of his car. His head sunk into his hands. Without those shades he was just Hal again. “Damn” he thought, “just when life was getting interesting”.

Meanwhile in another part of town, Tony pulled into a burger barn and was shocked at the way the carhop stared at him, as he placed his order, thinking “These shades are really cool!”