I’m living without the love of my life. I still have people I love close by and far away, but one has to be in this situation to fully understand what it is to lose a spouse after many years of love. It leaves a person hollow inside. Life goes on, there are still bills to pay, still groceries to buy, doctor’s appointments to keep and so forth, but life as I/we know it is never the same. It cannot be the way it was. I keep searching for something to fill the gaping hole in my heart. I don’t know why I am still living and Joyce has passed away. She was the beauty in life for me and others around her. I never wanted to live without her, but here I am and she is gone. As I continue on I keep losing people I know and love, long time friends that I shared life with. That only makes life more difficult than it already is. I live with memories from long ago. I spent my life learning things that are with the passing of time, no longer here or have no relevance in life today. All the technology I studied has passed, the places I have lived are gone. The ships I made my navy cruises on have been cut down into scrap metal. The airborne squadron I flew in is gone. The home I was raised in is now a vacant lot. The grade school and high school I went to have been razed to the ground. The naval training center I went to for electronics training and later spent 3.5 years as an instructor there is gone. The last job I had at Litton in Springfield for 20 years is gone as are a large number of people I worked with are gone from either age or the chemicals they were exposed to there, mostly the toxic chemicals.
Yet I am still here and wondering why?
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