Signs Joyce was failing.
I am usually good with my perception of what is happening.
Somehow my perceptions failed me.
Maybe it was because I didn’t want to see the future without her.
My love of my life was soon to depart this world.
I don’t know for sure why I didn't see it and I never will.
I finally did know that on September 13 of 2021.
Joyce sneezed and said, “I need to lay down, help me get to bed.”
That was my first fear that morning.
Within a few minutes, she went into a coma and was unresponsive.
I knew in that instant that she was gone from me forever.
I called 911 for an ambulance.
I called Annie and said I would pick her up on my way to the hospital.
Joyce’s neurosurgeon who saved her after her first aneurysm came into the room shortly after we got there.
She gave us the bad news that Joyce could be operated upon,
But the best outcome from surgery would be her living in a vegetative state.
Joyce’s wishes were not to continue on if there was no hope of normal recovery.
We had to make the decision to remove her from life support.
I looked at Annie to ask her what she thought.
She was of the same mind as I was, that being wrong to keep Joyce on life support for a longer time.
We gave the okay for them to remove life support.
Joyce held on in a coma until the next morning at 5:10 when she passed.
I had a few moments with her that norning.
That was when my heart sank into the deepest pit in my lifetime.
I didn’t think I would last more than another few months.
It’s been 9 months now and I am still here, though I know not why.
I am over the worst of grief, but acceptance of my loss is still not easy to live with.
I am happy for our 58 years together, but I think about her every day and look at my pictures of her.
I never wanted to live without her and hoped I would be the first one to pass away whenever that time came.
That was not meant to be and I will never know why.
Joyce deserved to live longer than I do.
She did more for this world than I ever could.
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