Poor Santa is sometimes under a lot of pressure and this year he fell off the Wagon
Santa was getting ready
for his annual trip
Feeling stressed, he pulled
out his flask for a little nip
Winter up north gets
mighty cold
And Santa of course was
very old
High winds and extra
heavy snow
Old Santa couldn’t see
where to go
He sat in his sled just
shivering
Losing time needed for
delivering
He waited and had a few
sips more
So many so he passed out
on the floor
Misses Claus went out to
see what was the matter
She let out such a roar
Santa’s eardrums did shatter
She shouted, “Of all
nights for you to get drunk,
You rotten old sot, you
low down skunk,
One day a year, more
important than all,
And off the wagon you fall.
I can’t drive this
sleigh. I don’t have a clue;
So now what am I supposed
to do?”
Santa thought, then said,
“Call old sailor Bill.”
When I answered the call, I felt quite a thrill.
Santa had said, “Bill’s
weathered many a storm
From icy seas to
typhoons, without any harm
Sailor Bill can navigate
his way
He’s the one to save
Christmas Day.”
I climbed aboard my
mighty jet
To the North Pole my
course I set
The jet’s skids set down
before midnight
In plenty of time to
take Santa’s flight
Santa cried out,
“Another round of cheer,
This will save the day;
sailor Bill is here!”
We popped off the tops
off a couple of cold brews,
While Santa filled me in
on the latest news
We filled the sleigh
with wonderful toys
For all the good little
girls and boys
We filled the trailer
with buckets of coal
For bad men, that had
greed as their goal
We ran out of beer and
turned to moonshine
That put fire in our
bellies and made us feel fine
By two in the morning, Santa and I
had a full load
It was time to hitch up
the reindeer and hit the road
The reindeer were a
might bit wary
The weather was, I
admit, a bit scary
Santa and I had one more
for the road
As I said before I was
packing a full load
I fed the deer some
marijuana to calm them down
Then lit myself a pipe
full and we were outward bound
Above the snow clouds,
the stars were strangely bright
As we set about our work
that night
North American radar
picked us up mid-ride
Soon there were two
F-16s by our side
The pilots blinked and
could not believe their eyes
When they saw old sailor
Bill 5000 feet up in the skies
I hit the reindeer brake
and they shot on by
Meanwhile I had dropped
from the sky
I had plenty of stops to
deliver toys
I didn’t have time for
those Air Force boys
I finished my mission
just before daylight
Headed back to the pole
and saw quite a sight
Old Santa was hung over
in spite of himself
That day he was not a
jolly old elf
I heard him shout as I
sped out of sight
“Come back sailor Bill,
I’m ready to fight!”
Copyright Bill Weber 2006-2019 and beyond.
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