I went and did the deal, did a cheek swab and sent it to an ancestry company. I wish I had not done that. It turns out all of my ancestors are dead!
Then I realized I am the oldest living member in the family. And worse yet, I am not a direct descendant of George Washington. In fact I am not a descendant of anyone that has ever been famous or even known by anyone outside of the family. I am a descendant of aliens that are not from the US, but from Europe. My DNA shows that way, way back my ancestors were not even human.
I got a nice note from the company, saying they are sorry but they never saw anything like my DNA. The next day, there was a knock on my door and it was an armed unit of the FBI! They barged in, told me in no uncertain terms to sit on the couch and not even move an eyelash until they were done making an image of my hard drives on my computers and then I could answer their questions. I answered all of their questions that afternoon and they left after putting this really nice bracelet on my ankle. They did mention that I should not attempt to leave the country. All I can say about that is, they must not know a lot about me, because I don't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to Kansas, but maybe the FBI thinks Kansas is another country? I don't know that for sure.
Then I realized I am the oldest living member in the family. And worse yet, I am not a direct descendant of George Washington. In fact I am not a descendant of anyone that has ever been famous or even known by anyone outside of the family. I am a descendant of aliens that are not from the US, but from Europe. My DNA shows that way, way back my ancestors were not even human.
I got a nice note from the company, saying they are sorry but they never saw anything like my DNA. The next day, there was a knock on my door and it was an armed unit of the FBI! They barged in, told me in no uncertain terms to sit on the couch and not even move an eyelash until they were done making an image of my hard drives on my computers and then I could answer their questions. I answered all of their questions that afternoon and they left after putting this really nice bracelet on my ankle. They did mention that I should not attempt to leave the country. All I can say about that is, they must not know a lot about me, because I don't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to Kansas, but maybe the FBI thinks Kansas is another country? I don't know that for sure.
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