Underground Bunker

I am spending today (February 3, 2016) indoors and out of the cold and windy conditions. I am looking at old stories stored away in my archive. This one was written 14 years ago, but I liked it then and like it today. 2002 was a good time in my life and the Maintenance Man and the Apprentice were good friends. We had a lot of fun at Litton in those days. These are pictures of Maintenance Man and the Apprentice at work.

The Sentinel

January 9, 2002.                    Now printed in an underground location in Missouri.

Our underground Bunker is now taking shape.

In our underground bunker, Joyce and I have begun to stock it for siege. Our den is at a naturally cool 56 degrees, so thermal underwear and socks are top priority on our lists. We are also in need of water purification tablets, and of course porta-potty bags. We had a source for Russian toilet paper, but when you see that stuff, you appreciate capitalism. So we are also stocking paper goods. That can be a challenge in itself, the dank cavern walls sometimes run with water and everything gets damp. Of course I don’t have to tell you, if your paper gets wet, it loses its whole value. But we are slowly getting set-up and trying to make ourselves comfortable. The wall areas out toward the entrance are in some areas less than 6 feet underground and those need additional lead shielding to protect us from Gamma radiation used in the x-ray weapons of the intruders from planet x8. We thought about publishing the exact time of their intended attack, but decided that would be irresponsible journalism, for several reasons. One, the centurions from planet x8 are traveling though a folding space time portal, so when they attack, there will not be time for you above ground dwellers to escape. Two, if you knew, the traffic would be so heavy you would all die in your cars sitting beside the road. And after all, wouldn’t you be more comfortable roasting in your own home? So rather than inciting a mass panic, we’ll just choose not to tell you which day this weekend that the world as you know it will cease to exist.  Luckily for us, we have a bond forged with the world’s foremost superhero, Maintenance Man who has assured us the HVAC unit in our underground bunker will be operational by the weekend. He has also promised to install at least the minimum amount of lead shielding to protect us from the attack. I want to assure all of our readers that we have planned to include enough breeding pairs to ensure the survival of the species. Those of ensure the survival of the species. The female variety has been selected according to a strict set of guidelines. I won’t go into detail, because this is not a porno sheet. The males were selected as follows, one role model, one chronicler, one Helper. The awardees are Maintenance Man (what better role model than a superhero?) Myself (someone has to write the history of the new world), and the Apprentice (he works well with M.M. and his wit will be an essential part of the new history of the world) Re-writing history, it almost seems like I’m a Democrat or something. For those of you not selected to survive, I’m sorry, but there is a limited space and if we took everybody, the world would turnout just like it is now; and let’s face it, even you wouldn’t want the same old world all over again. If we are wrong about the time of the attack, rest assured we will continue to publish the news as we have in the past.

This is the Editor signing off.