1127 2025 Missing you Joyce

It's November 27th, 2025. It's Thanksgiving day and Joyce's birthday. It's a rough day for me. It has been 4 years ago since Joyce's passing. I'm still not over missing her. I suppose I never will.

I miss you Joyce. It doesn't matter how many years you are gone the pain and the hurt is still there and maybe will always be the same.

250911 The Horror of September 11, 2001

911, A Day Of Hell.

As I write this I’m thinking there are perhaps a million people in the USA who weren’t born until after the day of September 11th of 2001. It was as President Roosevelt said after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor that brought the USA into WW-2. What he said was “The unprovoked and dastardly attack by naval and air forces of the empire of Japan is a day that will live in infamy.”

On September 11th three planes were hijacked by 20 Arabs from Saudi Arabia. They headed for New York city where they flew two of those planes into the twin towers. The 3rd plane crashed into the Pentagon in Washington D.C. The two planes caused the towers to burst into flames, eventually killing 2977 American citizens, many of them were firefighters. Acrid smoke filled the surrounding areas. Many firefighters had lifelong lung troubles for the rest of their lives. I knew two men who worked on the 105th floor of the towers. I hope they were out sick that day, but I doubt it.

I cannot imagine the terror those who survived went through. I pray something like this will never happen again.

250908 Good Memories from long long ago.

This picture is from 1934.

My Grandfather center, my Mother right, my Aunt Mary left. Looking at grandpa, now I know where my bo legs came from. He and I are the only ones in the family with legs like that.

I don’t remember when I got this picture but I think it came from my sister Marion. I look at it frequently and think about life as it was back then. I smile every time I look at it.

My grandfather was one of the best men I’ve ever known. I loved him dearly. When I was a child I would sit on the floor at his side every night and ask him questions, which he kindly answered every one. I was closer to him than I was with my father. My father made me feel small; he always berated me. I don’t know why he did that, perhaps I was not up to his standards. My brother Tom was his favorite.

When I enlisted in the navy, he said to my mother, “your son has left you; my son (Tom) wouldn’t leave me.” That was true, in fact, while once I left for the navy I never asked my parents for anything, though I could have used the money in my early years in the navy when navy pay was very little, my pride kept me from ever asking for help. My brother Tom, on the other hand, was always needing money and he always got it from dad.

In the later years there were many times Mom and Dad needed financial help. Did they ask Tom? No, they asked me and I gave them what they needed. I’m not playing for sainthood, merely stating the facts. I never felt like I was better than anyone else. It’s just what it is, what it was, and what it shall be.

250904 Long Time Ago

This picture is the USS Kitty Hawk, where I spent two cruises to the eastern Pacific.

This is hard for me to believe.

It's been 62 years ago, I stood in the Clayton County Courthouse. I raised my right hand and took an oath to defend this country's enemies both foreign and domestic.

I spent the next 10 years and 8 months in defence of this country, from San Diego to Japan, from Guam to Singapore. I can’t imagine how many miles I traveled. I was in training when the Vietnam War began in August of 1964. I’ve flown overnight radar coverage for the 7th fleet, later I taught students in Millington, Tennessee to take my place in the far east and in the Mediterranean sea. I went on two cruises aboard the USS Kitty Hawk and one cruise on the USS Enterprise both back to the coast of Vietnam. I spent my last year working in a repair shop at Nas North Island. I repaired every piece of electronic equipment used in the E-2A aircraft until March 24th of 1974.

On my last day, I went to the records office on North Island where I was mustered out of the navy. As I drove home on Coronado, Ca. and walked into our apartment, I told Joyce “I can’t believe they let me go.” That was on a Friday, on Sunday of that week I received a call from Nas North Island. The voice on the other end said I needed to come in and fill in for another watchstander. It felt great to reply for the first time ever, “You need to find someone else because I had mustered out 3 days earlier.”

It’s been a long time since that happened. It wasn’t always what I expected, but it’s a memory of a time I wouldn’t trade for anything.

250903 A horse is a horse

The horse is a horse complete story is at the end of this post. If you must go straight there, please don’t forget to read the rest of my post.

I had so much knowledge in the past
But now my memories have long passed
I once could read something one time
And remember it for years when my memory was sublime

Some people after death are remembered
For decades afterward
Others names are lost and no one ever thinks of them again

How lucky is a man who finds true love
With an angel from heaven above
With a radiant young face
And everything else in just the right place

The horse is a horse line comes from an old fifties weekly tv show where a guy has a stable with horses and he spends time taking care of them. One night he’s there talking to his horses when one talks back to him. The horse says his name is Mister Ed. The man shares his troubles in the stable and Mister Ed helps him with his living. The hole ditty is “A horse is a horse is a horse unless the horse is Mister Ed.”

250829 Change

Before my fall I was asleep by nine
For me, that was just fine
Now I’m awake until 3 in the morning
Then I sleep half my day away
I know that’s not a good way
One should never waste a half a day
Somehow I need to make it change
But cycles are hard to rearrange.

Will I ever find a way to go back?
To get my cycle back on track
I need to end this terrible storm
And get my life back to norm
If only there was some magic pill
To change my life at will
Then everything would be as it should
And my life would oh so good.

250827 My thoughts for the day

I weigh 140, most others in this apartment complex outweigh me by 60 to 100 pounds. At one time I was at 205 pounds, but lost all of that during Joyce’s hospital and rehabilitation time in Saint Louis and later in Springfield. I just wasn’t eating much at all during those times;I suppose it was from worrying if she would ever be able to come home with me.

I guess there are 300 others in this complex, yet I am the only person who gets out and walks every day. I’m no better than anyone else, but I think more than one person could get out and walk a bit. Walking is the best exercise one can practice.

I still practice yoga and Tai Chi almost every day and it’s great for health and easy for older people. Tai Chi is something many elders do. It’s easy and it’s almost like slow dancing. Anyone who can stand and walk can do Tai Chi.

Meditation is the easiest thing a person can do. Just sit in a comfy chair, put your hands on top of your thighs and close your eyes. While you sit, concentrate on your breathing. Other thoughts will come into your mind, but let them go and go back to breathing. You can start with one minute of silence and slow breathing. I go for 8 minutes and it’s not easy but it is doable. I know a woman who went to a Buddhist monastery on a ten day retreat. Every morning began with a 4 hour meditation. I don’t know how she did that. Some Buddhist monks go into caves and meditate for months. Hard to believe, must be extreme hard core men and women. There are Buddhist women, they are called nuns and they do good work wherever they go.

If you are bored at this point, I understand. You are at the end of the post and you are free to do whatever you care to, or do nothing at all.

250826 The corrupted post

Problem Solved

I think I figured out why the post from a few days ago was corrupted.
I had used a portion of an old post from years ago to put into the new post. The part I used had been written back years ago when I had to learn how to create code for the internet to use in my posts. I hadn’t switched over to google blogger. Although my coding worked well back then, when I used the old coding for the newer google coding things did not work well as you found out. The odd thing was when I looked back on what I sent it all looked fine.

250825 A Memory

This is my first post after the debacle that corrupted my last post. If this one is corrupted, please let me know.

From my first time out at sea on the Kitty Hawk and breathing fresh salt air from the sea, I was in love with it. There's something magical about being at sea and looking in every direction and seeing nothing but the sea in every direction.

On my first cruise, the ship sailed into Pearl Harbor. I was part of the crew manning the rail (manning the rail means sailors in dress uniform all around the deck 3 feet apart). I was lucky to have been on the side where the USS Arizona monument was. She was blown up on the surprise attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7th, 1941. Standing there and looking down at the monument was a heart wrenching few moments as we passed by.

Another time we were in the south China sea. I was on deck just looking around when I saw the sea filled with sea snakes. They are highly poisonous. Pilots who have been shot down and parachute into where there are sea snakes never survive it. Other times on our way out of San Diego bay I could see dolphins escorting the ship as we left for the far east.

250824 Good Times

I think about the good times long ago
Some may say the good times are now
I think that depends on how you look at it
I have enough money to live, to pay my rent, have food to eat
That is a good thing for me
There were times when Joyce and I had to scrimp and scrape and hope we had enough money to get through until the next payday
Yet those were good times, we had to work together to make things work
We had such limited resources, we had to add up what money we had and often put one or more grocery items to cover and pay for groceries and yet those were good times
Now she has passed and nothing could bring her back
I would give all I have to have her back for a few years more
People say enough money can buy a person anything
But nothing can buy true love to another
One day we were both at work in town when burglars broke into our home and stole all of Joyce's jewelry, diamonds I had bought for her through the years it was more than $2,000, Joyce never wanted any jewelry after that day
One day I decided to wash all the windows inside and outside for Joyce, she appreciated that more than anything else
Sometimes a simple act gives the recipient more pleasure than many other things
Money alone doesn’t buy happiness.

250822 Word

Word has many uses, the written word, we have a new word processor, someone didn’t get the word, word has it that the game was called off, the word is the boss is firing Fred the mail clerk, action speaks louder than words, I can’t think of a single word to write about and post it.

I think my brain isn’t working. I haven’t been thinking well since I had my fall back on May 15th. Besides the hip being cracked, I also hit my head on the concrete pavement. Since then I have had balance issues, being able to walk in a straight line, sleep problems, I’m walking like I was inebriated when I've not had a drop to drink. I don’t have headaches or I would be more concerned.

The word is being 80 years old, there’s perhaps a message here that things don’t get any better with continuing years to come at least for me. I’ll be seeing my doctor next month and maybe I’ll learn something there.

Whoever said the golden years were the best time of your life was full of what the dogs leave in small to large droppings on the sidewalks here. The word is things ain’t getting better hereabouts.

250821 It Could Happen

I was watching TV this morning when up comes an old episode of the show “60 Minutes". The episode was from 1973 and it was about submarines. I’ll watch anything about subs, from WW-1 until modern day. Submarines fascinate me for some unknown reason. If I was offered a ride on a modern sub, I’m not sure if I would go underwater on one of them, despite the fact that modern subs are very safe.

As I watched the show, one thing that impressed me was the fact that as far back as 1973 one US or Russian submarine could destroy the big cities of the world and using all of its missiles destroy a large part of the world. That would bring the other sub to retaliate and between both subs the world would be destroyed.

That was 52 years ago. By now, submarines are far more powerful and better armed with more explosive power than was available back in 1973. Mutual destruction is the only thing that keeps Russia back from attacking the USA. That makes me think that we are living by a razor thin line in the sand between two of the three great powers in the world.

One terrible comfort in this situation is that while a nuclear war would end us in short order, non nuclear bombs, common bombs, would leave thousands of casualties and suffering instead of being dead.

250820 Garbage Disposal Blues

I know the grammar and words are not correct, but this is a blues song.

I got the garbage dispose all blues

Got stinkin garbage all over ma shoes

They just ain’t no easy way

Ta pull that dispose all away

A’ll be on ma back, neath the sink

Tryin not ta catch, a bad nasty drink

Wondrin what’ll, be taken place

If’n that dispose all, hits me in ma face

Am purty sure a’ll end up in bed

With blood runnin out a ma head

An what if the new one don’t fit

A’ll be mad enough ta just spit

Beer won’t be able ta take that nasty taste away

If’n ah get a mouthful, a that moldy water spray

If ah don’t get er done, there’ll be hell ta pay

If’n ah do, it’ll still kinda ruin ma day

Wonderin what a man oughta do

Whil’st ah pop a top on a nother brew

It’s ma garbage dispose all blues

Got garbage all over ma shoes

Don’t know what’ll happen today

But sounds more like work than play

If’n ah sit here a thinkin

A’ll probly do more drinkin

A’ll wake up tamara, with a heavy head

An still have that nasty joba’ll have ta dread

It’s ma garbage dispose all blues

Got garbage all over ma shoes

Got the garbage dispose all in

Weren’t as bad as it coulda bin

No more garbage dispose all blues

No garbage all over ma shoes

250815 Why?

When will you meet your Waterloo?

I’ve been halfway around the world, seen people wounded, seen some die. I’ve looked down the barrel of a 45 caliber pistol, more than once. I’ve narrowly escaped being killed on the flight deck of the USS Kitty Hawk and yet here I am decades later.

Many friends of mine have died at Litton in Springfield from the acidic chemicals that filled the air in that plant and yet here I am.

I’ve lost my brother Rob who died at 55 years old, his son died at an early age. I’ve lost my parents and grandfather, and yet here I am. I only know 2 people who are older than I am, and yet here I am. I lost the love of my life and yet here I am.

Some people say living to a ripe old age is a blessing; those people are young and don’t know what it’s like getting old and losing the vitality and the ability to do what you loved doing decades ago. Few people could understand what it's like to lose a spouse of 58 years and yet here I am fully aware of what that's like.

I ask the Lord every day why I’m still here and as yet He hasn’t yet answered me. I’d like to know that before I die.

250814 Cold day in hell

The picture is the USS Kitty Hawk.

Yokoska.

Back in late 1966 I was stationed on the USS Kitty Hawk. The ship had a boiler breakdown so we headed for the nearest port. That was Yokoska, Japan. The boiler was among other things the source of heat on the ship. I was in a sleeping compartment one deck below the waterline. It was in early December and Japan was cold. The compartment had no heat and being below the waterline made it very, very cold. It was so cold that me and the others in the compartment were shivering. We had full uniforms on, our shoes on and any blankets we could find or borrow. It didn’t matter, we were still shivering cold. One of the guys suggested we go to a place with a sauna or somewhere we could warm up.

We hopped into a cab and told the driver what we wanted and headed out. We arrived at a building outside of town and went inside. I don’t know what we had to pay. We were taken to a locker area and removed our uniforms and we were totally naked then we were escorted to a room with steam cabinets which we gladly got into. The heat was wonderful! After about 20 minutes an attendant took us into separate rooms. A Japanese woman sat me down on a small wooden bench about 5 inches high over a drain hole. She then poured hot water on me, scrubbed me down, rinsed me off and then I could step into a bath tub with very hot water and I soaked for several minutes. Then the woman dried me off with a towel and it was back to the locker room, we put our uniforms back on and left the building to catch a cab back to Yokosuka. We were so relaxed our legs felt like rubber. Back in Yokosuka we had a few Asahi beers before going back to the ship.

The boiler was repaired a day later and we were heading back to the coast of Vietnam so we could drop another load of bombs for the next 8 months until we headed back to San Diego, our home port.

250812 The best time of my life

Time to go back with the time machine for this story.

I met Joyce at the end of May in 1963. She was and is a whole different ball game and she was and still is the right one. My love for her has never faltered. I looked at her every day and wondered how lucky can one man be? I had this picture of Joyce during navy bootcamp. One day the guy who had the locker beside mine saw the picture and asked who is that? I said it was my girlfriend. He shook his head and questioned, why the hell are here?

There was something about Joyce that thrilled me right from the start. She was so different from any girl I ever met and the bonus was she was so beautiful she made my head spin. We dated through the summer; in July I had a dream we were standing at an altar getting married that dream came true in January. In August I knew she was going away to college in September. I knew I could not stay home and be in the same place without her, so I timed my departure for the navy 2 days before she was scheduled to leave. Joyce and I were married in January of 1964 and I am happy to say never for one day have I regretted it. We had had some situations with difficult times and we have had the best of times,but have always been in love through it all. There are far too many events to relate here. I wanted to write it, but Joyce said back then I should have some filters and that would limit the best parts.

One of the many great times was in 1966. We headed west in the early spring to San Diego where I was to be stationed. That led to one of the best summers in our lives. California in the mid sixties was like a dream world, sun, fun, beaches, and just cruising the boulevards. The song:December 1963 always reminds me of Joyce. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTUhnIY3oRM It came out in 1975 and has always reminded me of my initial meeting with Joyce.

250809 Lost

My mother and father back in 1965.

80 years and counting.

I was saying my prayers last evening. One part of them is prayers for the dead family members that I have lost during my life and Joyce’s family members that were also part of my life. I also include people that I worked with at Litton ACD and during my naval service. The list is long and there are more that I’m sure I don’t know of that have passed away during my years on this planet.

Here is the list I know of. Joyce, Eleanor Sprol, Tom Litchfield, Joyce’s mother Margaret Pearson, Father Larry Pearson, Grandfather Marcus Stoeppler, his wife Amelia, Their son Marcus, William Stoeppler, Marie Stoeppler, my mother Regina Weber, my Father Robert Weber, my brother Rob Weber, my nephew Tom Weber, my Grandfather William Rohlman, my Uncle Tom Rohlman, his wife Irene Rohlman, my uncle Kenny Smith, my aunt Maryanne Smith, My navy buddy Doug Culwell, My old boss from Burroughs, Ted Morange and from Litton corp. Bill Tayler, Bob Dill, Sharon Friedhoffen, Bill Cameron. That’s all I can think of at the moment.

There are more. I was 19 when I went overseas to Guam and everyone in my air crew of 32 were as old as 10-20 years older than me so they are dead now. Aboard the USS Kitty Hawk many of my squadron chiefs were WW-2 veterans and Korean war vets. They are likely gone.

I’m older than everyone I know in my apartment complex, or anyone I know. I'm older than all of my siblings. One thing when I’m older than everyone I know is that my chances are I’ll likely the next of all I know to pass away. I’m tired of losing people in my life. For some reason, God is keeping me alive, for what purpose I’m not sure and I likely never will know. I hope when I die, He will let me know why I was here so long and suffered through all I’ve lost here on Earth. I’m assuming that I will go to heaven and see He who has created heaven and Earth. If I don’t see HIM, I’ll be in that place that I’ve been told is very warm, in fact darn hot.

250805 Stories and dreams

Most of this story was 75 years ago. The rest was many years later.

How I can remember this is a mystery to me.
I was sent down to the corner confectionery every day to buy my mother to get her a pack of Chesterfield cigarettes. While there, I usually had a nickel or so in my pocket. The store had penny candy and I had to decide what I wanted that day. The counter was filled with all kinds of candy. One favorite was candy dots on a strip of paper. They weren’t the best, but there were more of them than just picking any other candies.

The store also had shelves of used comic books. It being the fifties after WW-2 there were lots of war comic books. They were my favorite, perhaps because my dad and uncle were in the war. Dad was in Patton’s 3rd army in Germany and my uncle was a marine in Carlson’s raider battalion in the pacific. If I was out of money, I could trade 2 of my comics and get to choose one from the display. Later on, I would walk along the avenue with a girl in my class in school on our way home. One day she told me they were moving away and her mother had to dispose of a lot of things because they had to travel light. The girl took me into their home and she handed me a full box of her brother’s comic books. It was all I could do to carry them another 3 blocks home, but I wasn’t going to get rid of a single one of them.

When I was 5 or 6 years old, I would have dreams at night. Sometimes I could run a few feet and take off flying (best dreams ever). Other times I was walking down the street and picking up loose change to fill my pockets with money.

Those were the best dreams of my life, until I met Joyce. That night changed my life forever. I had a dream that summer. I was in navy dress blues standing at an altar getting married to Joyce. I didn’t even know what dress blues were, so how could the dream have happened? I don’t have any idea. Oddly enough, Joyce and I were married in Saint Williams church, in Millington, Tennessee six months later; I in navy dress blues and she in a white dress.

Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you’re young at heart. (Frank Sinatra song).

250804 Random Thoughts

Keep on trucking.

I watched a movie this morning. The title is “Joshua” It’s on the tubi streaming channel and it’s free to watch. This was my 3rd time watching it. The movie is inspiring.

I’m told that I have helped some folks, sometimes with a kind word, sometimes with assisting them to accomplish their goal, sometimes with cash money to get them through a tight spot. I’m just a common man doing what I can. I’ve done nothing that anyone else could do.

I’ve found out the best thing in the world is love. I’ve loved and lost the one woman that made my life complete and you know whom I speak of. Sometimes it’s easy to love someone, other times it’s difficult to love another person in one’s life. There’s an old song by the Beatles, “all you need is love.” How different the world would be if everyone loved each other. There would be no wars, no betrails, no theft, the poor would be taken care of, the list is endless. It seems today that many people will do anything to any one to acquire more money. We all need money these days to live, but why are some people willing to lie, cheat and steal from others to have more money than they need, or they can spend? Isn’t it the Lord we should seek? Money is not God, but some would disagree with that.

I have so many memories, but the best, the ones I think of more than others are my time on the USS Kitty Hawk, my time on the farm, my time with Burroughs and my longest ever friend, Kevin, going on 46 years now. And last is my time with the wonderful people I met and worked with at Litton in Springfield. Many of us have stayed in contact even though the plant in Springfield closed back in 2006 I believe. I drove past there some years back and I still remember seeing the tall fences around the property and nothing but flat land, no sign of the building we worked in. Some were there for close to 40 years, some got out of high school,went over to Litton and never left until the plant closed.

Life is good, even at 80 years old. All I have left is my kids, my friends, my wonderful memories and my prayers for those living or dead. “All you need is love” and maybe a good sandwich and a cold beer, makes my life worth living. “Happy trails to you until we meet again,keep smiling until then.” How many of you remember that little song?

Sent with love, Brother Bill

250803 Well Known

I am in the back row, second from the left. The picture only shows half of the entire crew.

This is hard to believe.

Since my fall on May 15th of this year, I’ve become the most well known person in the apartment complex. As I laid there on the concrete, a crowd formed to stand there and stare at me. Those there told their friends and everyone else they saw about my fall.

Now most everyone that sees me when I go out for my daily walk says Hi to me. I don’t know them, but they know me.

This morning as I left my apartment, for my daily morning walk, this young woman whom I do not know, but she knew me and who was obviously mentally challenged, stopped me and began to talk to me. I could not understand most of what she said so all I could do was agree with her. I did understand her when she said she was walking her dog. I thought it was strange because everyone who takes their dog out for a walk has the dog on a leash. She was walking her dog with the dog in her hands. I felt sorry for her, but I did not know what to do or say and I was afraid people might get the wrong idea that I was trying to take advantage of her. I would have stayed longer if she had her adult mother with her. This complex has a thousand eyes upon anyone outside.